I Love You Antonio
by EmoAnimeFreak123
Summary: Lovino has always been in love with Antonio, but he was always afraid to admit it to himself. But what if that was the only way? The only decision between life or death? Human names used. Rated T for attempted suicide and for Antonio being Antonio. Please review and tell me how I can make this better. Thanks :)


I Love You Antonio

**~Lovino's POV~**

We were fighting again. Well not exactly fighting. It's mainly just me yelling at him while he has a stupid grin on his face, calling me his cute little tomato. God I really hate it when he calls me that. But I could never hate him, I love him too much.

"I hate you so much, bastardo," I yelled at my former boss. I didn't really hate him. I have always loved the stupid bastard. Not like I was going to tell him that.

"But Lovi~, you're so cute. Just like a little tomate." he responded with a ear to ear grin. Why did he always have to make that stupid expression. It was just so infuriating, annoying and sexy. No I can't let myself think that. I can feel my face heating up even more.

"Sh-shut up, idiota," I mutter. I can't bear to look at his face anymore, so I look at the breathtaking Italian sunset. I can't bear being around him. It just causes me so much pain everytime I see him because I know I can never have him. He doesn't love me the way I love him. I really do hate this. I am so tired of trying to get him to love me when it's never goign to happen. Maybe I should just give up.

"But it's true, Lovi~," he says and I know he still has that stupid grin on his face.

That's all I am to him. His cute little tomato. I will never be anything more.

"Shut up. Stop calling me that." I yell. I am so tired of him saying that I am cute. I am not cute. If I was cute, he would love me. No, I am not cute at all. Inside or out. I am too short and I have this stupid curl, that if anyone touches it, it'll turn me on. On the inside, I am mean, a bully, I hurt the one I love, I am moody. I guess it comes down to me being like a bipolar woman on her period. Why would he even want to love someone like me? I don't want to be here anymore. I know he will try to stop me but I think if I run fast enough, I can make it to the door in time.

"But it's true," that smile is still there. Is he so stupid, that he can't see what that does to me.

Instead of saying anything, he won't listen to me, no matter what I say, I run for the door. I can tell he is surrised by my sudden escape. he doesn't have time to stop me. I practically take down the door with me, but I manage to get it open before I face plant into it. I run down the narrow hall. Thank god this is my house. I know where everything is and I can get to my room as fast as I can.

"Lovi? What's wrong?" I hear behind me. The surprise and worry are evident in his voice.

"Just leave me the fuck alone. I don't want to be near you." I yell behind me.

"Why? What did I do?" The hurt is definitely there in his voice. It just succeeds in breaking my heart even more.

"Just leave me alone." I scream. I am not angry for once when I yell, I am hurt and depressed.

"Why? Just explain to me what I did." He pleads with me to have some reason.

I have hurt him this much, why don't I just finish the job. Maybe having him out of my life will help with my depression. "Because I hate you," _(lies)_ "I never want to see you face again,"_ (more lies)_ "You are stupid and I am tired of it. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." All I have to say are lies. I hate lying to him but I can't live like this anymore. I can't live with knowing I'll never have the one thing that I have always wanted and would give anything for: Antonio's love. I didn't notice that I had slowed down during my yelling, until he grabbed my arm and pulled us to a stop.

"Let me go. Get the fuck off of me." I try breaking his grip, but it's all in vain. He is too strong.

"No." he said with conviction in his voice that I have never heard before.

"Yes. Get off of me, NOW." I scream in his face. Tears are freely streaming down my face at this point. Great.

"No." he repeats.

"Why can't you just let me be? I want to be alone." _and die_. I decide it's better to say that in my head rather that out loud.

He slowly relaxes his grip. I pull my arm away. I have two options: 1) run the hell away from him, or 2) stay here and talk. I choose the first one. I stand up and start to run again. He reaches out for me and grabs my arm, but he doesn't have enough time to get a grip. I am already halfway down the hallway again. I run until I reach my bedroom door. I slam and lock the door.

Within a few seconds, Antonio catches up with me and starts pounding on the door. "Lovi. Lovi. Answer me. Talk to me. Please. Lovi." he continues yelling the same pleas for me to open the door. But I ignore them. I am in too much pain. My whole body hurts. I can't breath. It feels like my heart is going to explode.

I start throwing a little tantrum. I throw anything I can get my hands on. I throw my pillows and blankets all over the floor. I go into my closet and throw all my clothes on the floor. I throw down the vase of roses I got from my brother the day before. Water, rose petals, and glass scatters all along the floor. From outside, Antonio has changed what he is saying. Now he is saying stuff like "What was that?" or "Are you ok?". I continue to ignore him. I walk over to the mess on the floor and pick up a sharp looking shard of glass. I go and sit on the now chaotic bed and slowly start to cut the healed scars that are already on my wrist. I grimace in pain. I welcome it though. It is better than the other pain I was feeling. Blood starts dripping onto the wood floors. I slice once, twice, thrice. Again and again I run that blade over my sensitive skin. Everytime, I put more strength behind it, causing more blood to drip out. I don't realize the yelling outside has stopped. I don't even think I care.

The man that was just outside barges into my room at that moment. I had forgotten he knows where the key is to my room. He takes in the sight in front of him with an expression of utter horror and disgust.

He was standing there for a few moments before I even realized he was there. Once I did though, I bolted up from the bed and started heading for my bathroom. I would've gotten there if it weren't for all the shit I threw on the floor. I ended up tripping and landing face first into the ground. I fell onto some blankets but my arm didn't have the same luck. The glass shard I had in my hand was pushed into my arm with the force of my fall. Now only about two centimeters of it were sticking out. I screamed out and Spain ran over to me. But I was set in getting away from him. I started dragging myself towards the closet. I didn't get very far until Antonio stopped me.

"Lovi. Why? Why would you do something like this?" he has many emotions on his face and in his voice, Disappointment, worry, disgust, horror, but the one that hurt me the most was the look of hurt.

I don't even try to struggle. Maybe if I can distract him from the glass shard, I will bleed out. "I just want to die." I say bluntly.

At this, he is speechless. He has no idea what to say. I just told him I wanted to die and he is speechless. This may give me a chance to get away. I slowly start to stand up. He doesn't even try to stop me. He really does hate me after all. I walk to the closet and close the door. The only problem with the closet is the fact it has no lock on it. I am well aware about this fact. So is Antonio. So I sit up against the door. I won't let him get in here. There are even more glass shards in here. During my tantrum, I broke all the mirrors in here. So I grab a nice looking piece and start to work on my other wrist. I could only manage three cuts before Antonio had made it to the door. He hit the door as hard as he could and that caused the glass to cut my arm in a vertical line. It was dug deep into the skin. That was te worst cut I have ever done. It starts gushing blood. I drop the bloodstained piece of glass onto the carpet in the closet. Antonio pushes against the door again and he busts in, causing me to be pushed into a pile of clothes.

I notice he has a large white box with him. I realize it is a first-aid kit. He rushes over to me and takes my arm with the vertical gash. he opens the box and pulls out many different things. He pulls out some gauze, disinfectant, a rag, some tape, and a bottle of painkillers. He first applies the disinfectant. I hiss as he puts it on the wound. It sting a little. He then takes the rag and runs it over the cut and the other ones to get the dripping blood and disinfectant off my arm. he then takes a hefty amount of gauze and thoroughly wraps my arm in it then following that he takes a piece of tape so the gauze stays wrapped around my arm. He repeats the same process with the other arm. Once he finishes he puts all but the painkillers into the box. He gives me two and a glass of water. I reluctantly take it.

"¿Por qué te cortaste? ¿Por qué harías algo como esto para usted?" I forgot that when he is stressed, angry or freaked out, he will speak nothing but Spanish.

I stay silent. I can't tell him that I want to die because I love him. That would kill him. I couldn't do that to him.

"Answer me Lovino. NOW." He is getting really angry with me. I can see him starting to shake. I keep silent. He lifts his hand and slaps me across the face. Not hard enough to hurt too much, but hard enough to leave a mark and a stinging sensation behind. Tears start to run down my face again. I see regret in his eyes but he is too angry to let it affect him.

I decide it is better to answer him now before he gets any angrier. "I already told you. I want to die. What part of that don't you understand?" I say in a small voice.

"Eso no es una respuesta suficiente." he practically screams at me.

"Well that's the only answer you are getting so deal with it." I say but I hope he doesn't hear me. Of course he does.

"Usted va a tener que dar una respuesta mejor que eso." he says to me.

I decide to give up and tell him. I mean what more can I lose. "It's because I love you. I always have. I love you and I know you don't love me. I can't live with the pain of knowing that. I want to die while I am still sane. My emotions are slowly eating at me. They have been for years and I am tired of it. I don't want to live like this anymore. Please. Please let me be." I plead with him.

His features slowly start to soften. The end is slowly coming on. Instead of pushing me away in disgust like I was expecting, he pulls me into an embrace full of love. I am at a loss for words. I don't even know what si happening. He slowly pulls away. He lifts up my chin and lightly kisses me on the lips.

"Why?" is all I can say.

"Because I love you too Lovino. I have for a long time. I thought you hated me. I never knew you felt the same way. I love you Lovino. I love you so much." he kisses me again.

He lying. I know it. I just know he can't feel the same way. "You're lying." I mutter under my breath.

"I'm not. I love you Lovino Vargas." he says wholeheartedly.

Maybe he is telling the truth. He has never lied to me before. But I don't want to get hurt. I couldn't live through that.

"I love you too Antonio." I say with all my heart. He pulls me into another hug. "But I don't want to get hurt. I won't be able to live through that." I tell him truthfully.

"I don't want to hurt you. I will never hurt you Lovi. I love you and you can do nothing to change that fact." he smiles that stupid grin I love so much. I can feel my face heat up again. "You're my cute little tomato." My face heats up even more to that.

"Shut up idiota." I say. I have no acid in my voice, only love.

"Te amo Lovi." he pulls me close and bites on my ear lobe. I have to stifle back a moan. He then decides to lick the rim around my ear. I can't help the moan that escapes my lips that time.

"Toni. Stop th-...ngh" my sentence is cut off by another moan as his teeth graze my earlobe.

"Are you sure you want me to stop? You seem to be enjoying it." he smiles slyly. He nips down my neck and starts to suck on my collarbone.

"Toni." I breathe out as another moan escapes my mouth.

He suddenly grabs my curl and starts to massage it between his fingers. I can't hold back the scream of ecstasy as pleasure floods through my body.

"Oh. So that's what this does." Cocky little bastard didn't even know.

"Yes. Now let go." I push him away. But pull him into an embrace. "I love you Toni. But I am not ready for that."

"Ok. I am not going to force it on you." he smiles at me.

"Thank you. So what do you want to do tonight?" I ask innocently.

"Watch a movie?" he suggests.

So we do just that. We curl up on the sofa and watch a movie. We were kissing most of the time, so I don't even know what movie we were watching. After the movie, we decide it is time for bed. We curl up on the nice queen sized bed and drift to sleep. But before I am taken completely under, Toni shifts and kisses me on my forehead and whispers "Te amo Lovi." and for the first time in forever, I fall asleep completely happy. I am finally happy in life and it is all thatnk to Antonio, my love. Thank you. I love you.


End file.
